being too picky

Whoever said that I’m too picky, as much as I hate to admit this, yes they are totally right. I just realized it yesterday when I was looking for a bag (again).

I was looking for a casual bag not a bag to go to office, but more like a bag that suitable to be worn in the weekend. I came to one of department store which held an end of year sale. I found some bag that I liked, but, yes there is always ‘but’ word when I pick something, but there’s always a flaw from them. For example “oooh this bag is cute, it is so me, big, boho, casual, but I don’t like the color. The color makes the bag looks cheap” or “this one is cute, I love the color, it looks expensive, but it is too small. Where do I have to put my umbrella, my make-up case, my notebook, my wallets, etc???” or “ooo my God this is so me. this is big, elegant, I love the color, and I can wear it to office or to go with my friend in weekend. This IS THE ONE, oh my, it’s five hundred thousand rupiah. Huaaaaa” yeah something like that always happen in my mind.

In the end, I found nothing. But it’s not only happen when I look for a bag, it’s also happen for almost everything except a place to eat. (when it comes to what place I want to have dinner or lunch, just take me anywhere, I’m fine with almost everything). so, back to the topic, the moment I realized that I am too picky also came when my friend told me over the phone

Him : “hey who’s your boyfriend now?”
Me : “no one, hehehhehe”
Him : “really??that’s bad. See?it’s because you are too picky, Carissa”
Me : “what?no! I mean of course I am picky, when I buy a shoes I should be picky and it also happens when I decide who can be my boyfriend. I have to be picky too. I just can’t literally pick up some guy in the street randomly to be my boyfriend.”
Him : “hahahahhahahaha”

i mean i can’t just ‘eenie meenie minie moo catch a bad chick by her toe’ just like Justin bieber did, rite?

After that, the conversation about me being too picky was over, but it seems like my brain won’t shut its mouth up. When I was going to sleep, I asked myself

“am I being too picky?”

And then I recalled, I had a lunch with my friends and we went to a place which was filled of people and of course a bunch of guys. Cute guy, tall guy, fair skin guy, nerd guy, you name it. My friend said “look at all those guys, which one do you choose?” I looked at them and I chose no one. it wasn’t because they weren’t good looking enough. They actually were a bunch of good-looking guys, but when I saw them it was like

“he’s cute but he is too nerdy”
“wow that one is a really good looking one, but I think he’s kinda the party guy type. Really not my type”
“he is gorgeous, but, oh my, what is he wearing?he wears boots?eeewwwh”
“he is huge. Like a hulk”
“I think he is Arabian, I’m not into Arabian”
“I don’t like his hair”
“judging by his appearance, i don’t think he has a good position in his office”
Bla….blaaa…blaaa..

Well I didn’t say all that stuffs in front of my friends, I kept all my judgments in my head. I actually did find a right guy for me, but when I found them, they seemed so unreachable, unapproachable and impossible because whether he’s already married or he is someone else’s or he is a boss in somewhat office.

Am I too picky?

Why is it so hard for me to deal with someone’s flaw?i mean I ain’t Nadya Hutagalung who is freaking beautiful or Jessica Alba who is very sexy, I’m just an ordinary girl with a list of terms and conditional to be my boyfriend. A long one list. Maybe I’m not realize how freaking long that list is. I always said that I don’t demand much, all that matter from a guy for me are having the same religion with me, kind, mature, smart and taller than me. that’s all. It’s not really hard to find that kind of guy, but i don’t know why I always see flaws from someone. it seems like I can’t see their positive side. And the flaws I see are some small stuff like he is too big, or he is from Padang, he smokes, he is shorter than me, errrghhh I mean those aren’t some principal stuff which can not be fixed. but it matters for me.

I mean, no one is perfect. Everyone has their own flaw. And so do i. well I think in a relationship I should accept someone and his pet peeves. I should understand him, I should be more tolerant and having less of ego. I should accept him just the way he is. I shouldn’t be too concern about small stuff. I should love him unconditionally. Love is supposed to love someone imperfect perfectly. (wow how on earth could I make that line??i’m proud of myself. Hehehhehehehe)

Well when I asked my sister how did she know that his boyfriend is the one, she answered “you just know it because you feel comfortable with him, even in the silence you feel comfort” I’ve been searching for the “how do you know that he is the one?” question and I finally given the best answer.

I come to think about this issue because I watched Oprah Winfrey show which talked about an old-maid who haven’t found her right one because she looks for a perfect guy. And she has the ‘list’ just like mine, but she writes it in the paper while I just keep the list inside my head. After watching that show, i was so afraid to be end up like her. O my God, I don’t want to be an old maid with a few cats just because I am too picky over a guy.

I have to change my mindset. NOW.

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