9 August 2010

Last night, i just looked at my daily journal in 2010 and i found my writing in August. I decided to post it here because yesterday, my friend Ms.L had a same problem just like mine, more or less. Hhehehehhehe. So i just wanna share one of my lovelife experience and hope this might be useful for everyone who read this. 🙂

August 9th 2010

“Setelah sekian lama, akhirnya tadi ketemu juga sama Alexander dengan nama panggilan Alek (jelas bukan nama sebenarnya). Dan sebenernya gw merasa aga aneh dan kurang nyaman gitu loh sama dia. Bukannya gimana-gimana, abis dia kaya sangat menunjukkan ketertarikannya ke gw. Waduuuuh sombong banget ya gw, sekalinya ada yang demen sama gw malah gw buang-buang. Ckckckckkck manusia dasar!!!!

Gw jadi aga takut aja gitu. Kerjaannya muji-muji muluuuu. Mungkin bukan maksudnya muji kali ya, maybe he was just trying to be honest. Cieeeee hahahahha. He told me that i looked very nice, very attractive, and he totally atracted to me, and how scared he was because some guys were looking at me. oke i was supposed to feel flattered when he said that, tapi gw malah aga risih gitu loh.

Emang gw jarang nerima pujian jadinya gini dah. Aneh sendiri pas dipuji. Apa emang rasa rendah diri gw udah mengkronis banget sampe kalo dipuji malah ngerasa aneh, giliran diejek gw malah ketawa-ketawa. Bingung ngga lo??

Trus dia bilang gini “kayanya lo lagi menutup hati deh”

Ya gw ngga tau ya gw lagi menutup hati apa menutup toko atau menutup warung, yang pasti sekarang gw lagi suka sama satu orang. Apa itu yang dimaksud menutup hati.

I am in love with a person who doesn’t even know that i love him and some guy told me that i forbid my heart for other guy to come in?
Aduh ngga tau lah. Gw biasanya kalo udah suka sama orang suka terlalu fokus sama orang itu aja sih. Sampe kadang ngga sadar kalo ada orang lain yang mungkin menyukai gw dengan tulus.

Gw emang pernah suka sama si Alek itu ya. Naksir gitu doang sih. Nah pas saat itu emang dia sering flirting ke gw, cuma berhubung gw anaknya antara terlalu polos sama bloon sama cuek atau dingin, jadi gw ngga bisa bedain dia beneran flirting atau cuma becandain doang. Ya gw ngga mau ambil resiko dong, i leave before being left. Gw menolak duluan sebelom ditolak.

Nah sekarang when he obviously shows his attraction for me, well my answer is that he comes in the wrong time. I’m not gonna say that he’s just too little too late or whatsoever, i just think that this isn’t just the right time for him to love me. because i’m in love with someone else. I am in love with a guy yang bukan hanya sekedar laki-laki yang bahkan ngga tau gw suka sama dia, tapi laki-laki yang gw tau banget that we won’t end up together because we have a different religion.

Memang kadang sesuatu datang di saat yang ngga tepat.

Tapi sedih juga sih gw, mengingat gw sering banget ada di posisi patah hati, dan gw kaya udah hafal lah rasanya begimana, jadi gw sedih aja gitu harus ngebuat seseorang patah hati. Gw ngga tau juga sih si Alek itu beneran patah hati karena gw apa ngga. Ya gw harap sih ini cuma keGRan gw aja dan dia cuma iseng doang, yes i really hope so because i love him as my friend and Of course i don’t wanna see him sad. Dan siapa coba yang ngga sedih kalo ngeliat temen sedih dan tau ternyata lo adalah alasan di balik kesedihannya itu??well i don’t have a heart to make my friend sad.

And i learned a lesson from this experience, sometimes i stare at a closed door for too long that i don’t realize that another door is open.
Kadang hidup emang ironis ya, ada yang suka sama gw, tapi gw sukanya sama William (lagi-lagi bukan nama sebenarnya), dan mungkin Willie lagi suka sama siapa gitu, tapi ternyata orang itu suka sama orang lain. Haduuuuuh. Sayangnya ngga ada diantara kita yang mau berbalik.

Life isn’t fair, just deal with it.

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