notes #1

Dear Blog,

(I’m not really an expert to make a proper opening line, so i decided to start this post with ‘Dear Blog’, pretending that I’m talking to my Blog)

I don’t understand why people seem to doubt me in everything I do. sometimes people think I’m dumb because I always laugh and being so silly, sometimes people doubt me If I can do something, sometimes people doubt my future, sometimes people doubt me if I could be ‘somebody’ in the future. I can do something, I can be somebody, I’m not dumb, and this is not only a pretty face (kidding) I mean this is not only a funny face and silly behavior, but I am more than that. I’m smart in another way.

One thing that bothers me lately is the question of what’s so wrong with being silly? Being silly doesn’t mean I can’t be a serious person. I just found it’s so boring to be serious all the time. I need laughter in my life. Instead of pity or cry over myself, I prefer to laugh over myself. And I also do think that people need laughter. That’s why I love to make other people laugh. There’s a good feeling that I feel every time I make someone laugh. It’s just seeing someone laugh because of my lame jokes or because of my silliness makes me feel happy. Just like a virus, excitement can be contagious, rite? Why spend so much time in misery when we can be excited on something?

And when people doubting me, it’s really really bugging me. I mean, come on, could you please be more supportive? Have a little faith in me, will you?

I don’t know if I am too sensitive or over-reacting, but it’s hurt me a lot when I heard someone doubt me. And lately, I’ve been spending some of my nights crying while I pray to God, because I thought if people doubt me, then who else that have a faith in me? I mean, how am I supposed to chase after my dreams when no one seem support me?

After a night thinking on what I should do when people seem doubting me, I come to a conclusion – when people doubt me, then I am the one who’s supposed to have faith in myself. Though I don’t know what my dreams are (beside being a model, going abroad, being an entrepreneur, and sending my son to Football Academy. Don’t laugh, please. In this case, I’m looking for the real dream) but I believe that I am on my way to make my dreams come true. Whatever that dream is. I just feel like I’m on my way. I’m on the right track. I mean if eventually I figure out that this is not my ‘right’ track but at least every track that I take will lead me into my dream. I believe that God will lead my way. and I think the most important thing is that I have to have faith in myself. I don’t wanna care about people opinions who judge me as a dumb girl, because I, myself, know that I’m not dumb. And that’s all that matter. Have faith for yourself.



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