letter to God

Dear God,

You know that my love life is not really succesfull most of the time. I once in a relationship with a guy and it happened 5 years ago. Now, my ex already in a relationship with i-don’t-know-and-don’t-give-a-damn-who-she-is, and i’m still single. It actually doesn’t bother me to be single. In fact, i have a lot of stuffs to do. This whole work stuffs really driving me crazy. I’m trying so hard to balance my time for work, family, friends and myself. And i’m too busy arranging and re-arranging my future career so that i don’t have any space left in my brain for boys stuffs.

Sometimes when i feel so freaking exhausted, i feel like crying in Irfan Bachdim’s shoulder. But then i realize, there is no Irfan Bachdim neither a lover to be my shoulder to cry on. But that’s ok God, because i still have my friends, my family and internet connection (so i can Blog or tweet-ing). To be honest, right now i’m feeling just fine to be single because i somehow think that i could be in my weakest point when i’m falling in love. I actually really want to love someone. When i see random couple in the street or in the store, i somehow envy them. Because they could love each other. I know that love is a great feeling that should makes us happy. But somehow for me love is also about being suffered. I do want to have somebody to love, but when i remember about how painful it was to be broken-hearted, i back off from love. In fact, i’m fully aware that if we brave enough to love we have to take a risk of not being loved back. But who’s on earth would feel just fine for not being loved back?i wouldn’t for sure.

Most people said that i’m too “jual mahal” when some guys trying to approach me. Well, you know, i’m not. I admit that i somehow find myself automatically run away when a guy start to approach me, and i’m not doing it in order to test his feeling or to see him fight for me, but it’s more like me being too deffensive. i’m affraid that he’s only playing around with my heart, so i don’t wanna take a risk to be broken-hearted. I leave before being left. I know that’s wrong and if i keep living my love life that way i could end up being an old maid. God, please don’t make me an old maid. Please don’t. Please??

And it also saddens me when i heard people misjudge me. I heard some guys said something about me like “i can’t be with her, i can’t afford her shopping expenses” or “she doesn’t wanna ride a motorcycle, she’s kinda a spoiled brat” well, first, i will never ever ask a guy to pay for my expenses and second i’m not a shopaholic. Third, i don’t wanna ride a motorbike because i’m scared of motorbike. my friend was died because of motorbike. my bag was stolen by some freak guys rode a motorbike and took it away from me. how on earth could i be comfortable with motorbike when it gave me bad experiences?. Instead of judging me by my outside look, why not trying to know me deeper and find out who i really am. Whether i’m a spoiled brat, a shopaholic, a freak, or as kind-hearted as Mother Theresa, go find out.

And one thing, i don’t understand why a romantic guy or a sweet guy only exist in movie?i don’t understand why it seems so easy for those couple in movie to fall deeply in love?i don’t understand why does the love confession always happen in airport, when they’re about to separate and the girl or the boy run as fast as he/she can on the airport so they could meet their lover and confess their feeling and their lover decide not to take the plane and choose to stay with them. And they live happily ever after. The end. Closing song. Credit title. Why God why?

And so here is my proposal to you dear God, can you send me a guy who’s willing to run with me instead of stop and let me run alone? Can you send me a guy who’s a fan of Justin Bieber too so we can go to JB concert together?(you know, i’m kidding God). Can you send me a guy who can take me to the planetarium because i’ve never been there and i really wanna go there? Can you send me a guy who’s willing to listen to me blabbering about my dreams? Thank you God, i’m gonna wait patiently in line until you find that guy and send it to me. oh and one thing, but this is kinda urgent, can you please send my mean boss a guy so she could be more meanless to me?maybe she needs to fall in love in order to make her happy. Thanks a bunch and thanks for reading this letter God.

🙂