another broken heart moment

Another broken heart moment. I never thought that i had a heart until i felt a hiperventilasi suddenly attacked me. Hiperventilasi is a condition where the heart doesn’t beat for a second. Well, in a daily conversation i call it “mencelos”. You know, the feeling that you get when you ride Kora-Kora in Dufan or a Rollercoaster in the theme park, when the Rollercoaster goes slowly to the top and then it suddenly goes down in less than a second. You feel your heart stop for a second. You feel like your heart fall down from your chest into your knees. and those are the analogy of what i felt when i heard he’s currently dating somewhat girl. He’s dating a girl and i’m still single??? Now he’s taken and i’m still single?? THIS IS SO NOT HAPPENING!! But it is, face it Car. And now i feel like Amanda on The Holiday movie, not the part when she met Jude Law and kissed him, but the part when she feels like crying but the tears just don’t come out.

Hahah *cynical laugh* i clearly remembered how he always crossed my mind when i was on my vacation. From the moment I arrived in Bangkok until I landed safely in Jakarta. and how i felt so cold, lonely and sad when i wandered alone in Changi Airport at 2 o’clock in the morning. All i thought was him to accompany me or at least as a person that i could be able to tell that i was doing fine and had such a great vacation.

Sometimes you just don’t know what you have until it’s gone. And yes, i’ve never realized this strange feeling i had, until it is gone. and it really is gone.

So, overall i don’t regret this at all. Because i think that maybe this is a punishment for my super-strong-self-denial-slash-stupidity-slash-gengsi-kegedean. And to regret something is so not me. so i’m just trying to accept this and keep on walking forward with an empty feeling inside.

Moral of the story : kalo suka, bilang suka. Daripada gigit jari.

-catatan si Boy wanita dengan kadar gengsi melebihi score TOEFL nya-

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