one awful day

i’ve just signed up for new social media account, named Heello. and it’s kinda similar with twitter, but since i’m a social media freak, so i signed up for one. and to greet me, that Heello said “share your life”, so, here i go, instead of sharing my life for only 140 characters in Heello, i prefer to share my life in a definitely-takes-more-than-140-characters in this wordpress. let’s start . . .

last Thursday was one awful day for me. My boss is about to resign from the office, which means i’m gonna be left alone to handle those shitty things in the office, and in the night, the guy that i once had a crush on made an announcement that he’s going to get married with his current gf NEXT YEAR. oh well, thanks God. THANKS A LOT. what a day, i thought.

and guess what my first reaction as i heard him saying his “freaking-awesome-yet-shocking” plan, i was saying “PLEASE SOMEBODY SHOOT ME RIGHT NOW”. well yeah, i didn’t actually hope that some kind of sniper will literally blow my head off at that time, i wish a sniper will shoot him or his beloved gf, not me. but since that scene would only happen in James Bond movie, so yeah, it didn’t happen. no one’s head was blown off by some unknown sniper, but my heart was.

you see, i had these two things that made me almost chocked by the food i ate as i heard him saying that he’s gonna get married next year. first, i got my heartbroken, and second, i ENVY him. yes, envy with capital. because i do envy him. quoting from Britney’s cheesy song, from the bottom of my broken heart, I ENVY HIM.

i’ve seen half of my school’s friend were already getting married. they even have babies right now. and now, him, the person that i predicted will get married in his 30 something, is getting married in next January. really, life is surprisingly weird. how on earth he could find his soul mate? while me, i wanna find mine too. this is not fair. one by one my friend is getting married, and me.. oh well.

so, there was nothing i could do but saying “congratulation, i am happy for you” yes i said that. cliche. because what was i supposed to say? “I OBJECT, SIR! YOU CAN’T MARRY HER!” or “please don’t marry her, otherwise i’ll jump from Kampung Melayu fly over!” no, i didn’t do that nor will i ever do that cheesy drama. But to faking it all, well i master that skill.

and i ran rashly into the cab, went home was the best way to escape and to save my heart from another possible major damage. in the cab, i did cry. the tears were like a Niagara waterfall, kept drowning in my cheeks. that wasn’t caused only by the heartbroken thingy, but also because of my boss’s resignation. and i thought, what an awful day it was. why did you do this to me, God? and yes, i did blame God at that time and i was angry with Him.

the day after, i was told that my friend in the office was going to resign too. seriously, i just don’t wanna be left, how hard is it for you to understand? oh well, i don’t know to whom i shall get upset to.

i remembered, i once asked God to make me stronger rather than make my life easier, well seemingly God answers me. He did listen to every wishes we have, guys.

so,i guess i’m officially feel so weak right now. and crying is not the sign that you’re weak, sometimes crying is the sign because you force yourself to be too strong. and when that high wall falls down, and you feel like falling apart, crying is the only way to make yourself relieved.

oh well, i need help right now. but i’m too stubborn to ask for help. thought i could handle this by myself, but in fact, i can’t nor will i ever be able to handle all the shitty things in my life all by myself, right? sometimes you just feel so fed up to faking it for the whole time. sometimes, you just wanna be seen as weak as you could be.

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