could’ve been love..or not

(photo from here )

Last Saturday I went to his wedding. At first, I felt like I was sooo ready enough to come to his wedding. And especially, in the morning I just got my teeth pulled out of my mouth and it caused me A.LOT.OF.PAIN. yes. And it successfully distract me from the thoughts of “am i ready to go to his wedding?” oh and btw, have you ever heard someone said that heartache is more painful than toothache? Ergh. Do they ever go to the dentist and getting their teeth pulled out? How does it feel? It feels like hell. Ergh. None of those better. Tootache, heartache, that can not be compared. Oh and how does it feel when you suffer from both at the same time? Just please dear God, don’t ever let that happen to me. Amin.

So,back to the wedding, I thought I was all that ready mentally to attend the weeding, but as I made my first step into that building, I was like “can I just turned back, go home and watch DVD?” it seemed like my foot became irrationally heavy. But then, my friend told me “YOU HAVE TO GET IN THERE”. Finally, though it was really hard, i succesfully got into the building and be in that wedding reception. And then, my friends decided to go to the line and congratulates him and his wife. (notes : did i just write wife?? I still can’t believe that he has a wife rite now). I knew that be on that stage and congratulate him face to face was the last thing i wanted to do. On my head, i was planning just to sign my name on the guest list, eat the food, and get my ass out of that building. But, the reality was, we had to queue in the line and congratulate him and her face to face. I mean that’s a normal people would do in every wedding reception.

And, as i was queueing in the line and thinking “it’s not too late to turned back and eat some food instead of doing this”, the wedding singer started to sing ‘It Must Have Been Love’ by Roxxete. And as i heard the wedding singer sing

“It must have been love, but it’s over now”

The tears unexpectedly start to pouring down. I didn’t know why i had to cry. That was really embarassing. Crying in the wedding reception. O em jih, i’ve never imagined myself in that effing embarassing situation like that. So, i walked out of the line and tried to calm myself but the more i tried to hold back my tears, the more it poured down uncontrolable. Damn you wedding singer!! Y U NO SING A LOVE SONG LIKE OTHER NORMAL WEDDING SINGER DOES INSTEAD OF A BROKEN HEARTED SONG????

I didn’t know what i was crying at. I’ve never lost him because simply i can’t lose what i’ve never had. I didn’t lose anything. Or maybe i lost the concept, the imagination i built. Sometimes when you have a crush on someone, you unconsciously build your own world in which you and him/her live happily ever after. You also unconsciously build a concept of him/her on how perfect he/she is. You build his/her character as perfect as it could be in your imagination. And when you get you heart broken, which you gotta face the reality that he/she is choosing another person, you thought you cry over him/her. But maybe you actually cry over your imagination, your world that you build in your mind, because the reality is not the same as you have imagined.

And actually, i felt that way too. I cried over my imagination. I cried over the reality that went unmatched with my imagination. Anyway, when the it must have been love song was sang, it seemed like all the past moments of me and him (when we were friends and actually it was not that special) were playing in front of my eyes. And i gotta face the fact that my imagination is officially over at that time. It could have been love…or not. But that’s the way it is. Right?

Anw, after attending his wedding reception, i came to think, maybe behind every wedding, there is always someone’s heart that breaks. ;p

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