Morning Notes

“Selamat pagi wahai kalian, orang-orang korban mulut manis management.”
@pervertauditor on May 16th, 2012

I love to read @pervertauditor tweets simply just because it makes me laugh. Actually laugh at my exhausting life as an employee or in worse word Corporate Slave. and most of the time its tweets hit and fit me that I laugh cynically. it’s been almost 2 years I work as an employee, to be exact as a Legal Staff in Oil and Gas Company. Sounds fancy? Haha. I’m laughing cynically right now. and it’s been almost a year I’ve become a Legal Spv. Since my direct boss resigned last year, so here I am, all alone, okay, not all alone, I was left with one staff to be supervised and bigger salary of course. But as people can see, bigger salary ALWAYS come hand-in-hand with bigger responsibility. And plus for me, higher risk.

I might be not an auditor or a lawyer or an engineer who has unlimited work time. And I thank God for that, because I still be able to manage my life. But just like other thousand employee out there, I also (most of the time) feel exhausted with my job. That high risk I’ve mentioned earlier, that bigger responsibility, that ugly truth about running a business, that intimidating sight from external people when they meet me, that God-i-feel-so-stupid feeling which often hit me, that pressure, that overtime, that office politic, and so on and so on, makes me feel like hiding under my blanket and just let those people do whatever they want to do.

Sometimes I feel so fed up, and to make it worse, I’m such a freaking perfectionist and deep thinker person who just happened to think deeply about every single thing in life. Hoping that I could solve all the problems in the world, hoping that I could be a perfect person for every one, WHICH IS IMPOSSIBROOOO. Since I am not a super hero. Just an ordinary employee. Just an ordinary human being. And yes, sometimes I feel so fed up with my job, knowing that business is actually often run in bad and dishonest way, knowing that some people are really tricky and mean, knowing that some people who say that they will got your back are actually the one who bring the knife, and knowing that Jakarta could be so mean that it gives me an unbearable traffic jam, inhuman public transportation and to make it worse better-ignore-them-because-your-life-is-already-complicated-you-don’t-need-them-to-make-it-more-complicated GOVERNMENT.

I’m not saying that I’m not grateful with my life. Sometimes when I feel sane, I feel so grateful and blessed with my life and also include this job. I could experience the feeling to be a staff and to be a supervisor. Both are not easy to do. When you are a staff, you have sooo many works from your boss to be done, and also don’t forget the deadline and the grumble from your boss when your work is not good enough in their eyes. And when you are a supervisor or a boss, here’s the difficulty, you are responsible on your staff works. In another words, you are the one who bear the risk of your staff’s mistake to the board of director. Then I think, staff and supervisor or manager or boss or whatever you name your top head in your office, they both should work as a team. Not backstabbing or blaming each other. Well, they should. Oh well, I should.

Anyway, I also had this experience when my big boss asked me to company him to a financial institution to propose for some financial fund. One thing I learned, it was so exhausting to find some money so the business could run, so the employees’ salary could be paid, to settle up the company’s debts, I was so speechless. Life is hard for every one. [Except Paris Hilton’s maybe]. And in this hard life, i don’t understand why there are some people that exist just to ruin other people life. People who corrupt, sly usurer, parasite people, backstabber, two-faced people, bigheaded people, why aren’t these people eaten by the Polar Bear or slammed by Hulk? God, why?

I wish I know nothing. It would be better to not know every thing. Because some truth are pretty ugly. I’m scared, scared of being a bad person unconsciously. I know this world is so mean but I just don’t wanna change myself to be a bad person just so I can survive. I still wanna live my life in honest and right way. Honesty and sincerity become an expensive value nowadays.

And despite of all my grumbling, my whining, my tiring days, I somehow found that I, myself, enjoy this job. Things that I do daily. Of course, aside from the Company Management, aside from the office politic which kinda depressed me much, I somehow enjoy what I do. And plus, work sucks but I need the bucks. To afford the shoes, to afford the low-cost airlines ticket, to save some for my future life (household) and all the things that I can not afford when I was a student.

Have I ever thought about resigning? Yes, all the time. When I heard my office mates would resign, I feel like hang in their feet and screaming “take me with you!!”. Hehehehehe. But, maybe the time when I have to resign haven’t come yet. So maybe I better hang in here until God knows when. And laugh at my tiring daily routine and makan-hati office life could be a good way to make me stay sane. as Jason Mraz says in his new song ‘God knows I’m tough enough.’ *angelic pose*

“In this nowadays world of lie, hype, complex, false doctrine and weird practices, I’m searching for a sincerity.” Beautiful quotes from Aelke Marishka.


7 Comments Add yours

  1. Howaaaaaah panjang yah hehehe,
    Hi Carisaa 😀
    Gue juga merasakan puyengnya kerja di suatu company dan tinggal di Jakarta, rasanya pengen resign tuh menghantui gue setiap hari. Tapi gue inget lagi, gimana dulu gue berusaha setengah mati bisa dapet kerja di Jakarta (Selatan) biar bisa bareng bareng sama pacar gue. Gimana banyak perusahaan nolak gue, so semangat aja Carisa…..dengan job yang lo punya sekarang….berbahagialah krna di luar sana banyaaaaaak yg masi pusing karena belom dapet kerjaan :).

    Have a nice day 🙂

  2. Hi Carissa…. 🙂
    Seneng deh baca postingan blognya.
    Sebagai karyawati (aka budak kompeni) gue juga merasakan gimana beratnya kerja di company terutama di Jakarta. Belom traffic jam, orang-orang nyebelin dll. Tapi gue inget gimana dulu gue mati-matian cari kerja di Jakarta (selatan) biar bisa sama-sama cowo gue. Yak inilah konsekuensinya.
    Mari ris kita bersyukur ajalah…jalanin ajalah…semangaaat ehehehe kita uda sampe di tahap ‘dapet kerjaan’ sedangkan di luar sana masih yang pada stres bin galau jadi pengangguran abis lulus 🙂

    Nice post, have a nice day 😀

  3. Dear woro, iyaaa makasih yaaa, emang nih bener-bener lagi butuh suntikan semangat dan suntikan dana #loh * maklum belom gajian*. iya sih kadang kalo pagi ngeliat tukang sapu nyapu di jalanan bikin jadi malu, masih untung gw kerja di kantoran bukan jadi tukang sapu. tapi kadang ya itu, suka ngomel sendiri “adooh cape banget deh kerja” hehehehehe.

    tapi bikin usaha sendiri lebih capek juga kayanya. hehehe susah deh kalo bawaan lahir udah pemales :p

    btw, kantor gw juga di jakarta selatan, lo dimana nyaaaa? 😀

    thanks ya woro, have a nice day too 😀

    1. ini kenapa gue komen dua kali deh ahahaha, maap yaaaaa cariisa kirain yang tadi dari bebe ga nyampe.
      Gue kerja di Sudirman car, di Bapindo hehehe. Stres ama jalanan Jakarta tiap hari eeerrr hehehe

  4. Alrischa Chara says:

    OMG!!! wow,… gak nyangka lo nulis seperti itu… proud of you dear… (sedih ya liat kondisi kita seperti ini)

  5. @woro ahahahaha iya gapapa, kalo udah 10 kali komen baru dapet piring cantik kok 😛

    @marcia iya chya hikshiks trimakasih yaaa, have a nice daaaay, besok udah jumat loh, TGIF 😀

  6. nadiafriza says:

    Looonng post, but I like your writing. 🙂

    Oil company? Woohoo! I could only dream to work there! 😀

    There’s always plus in every minus. As long as the pluses could cover the minuses, keep hang on to it.

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