Days on The First Two Weeks of 2021


So, I know it’s late to say Happy New Year 2021 since when I post this, it’s already two weeks after new year, but anyway a year is not complete without a closing post (at least for me). So, here I am, writing about me looking back on whatever things that happened and felt during 2020.

Everyone knows that year of 2020 is very challenging. And that apply to me too. I left my job and company where I had worked for seven years in January 2020. I was officially jobless after total of 10 years working on February 2020. At first, I planned on taking a break from being an employee and live YOLO (things that I would never do before) for about three months before starting myself as jobseeker. Everything was perfect at first, I woke up in the morning freshly, I lived everyday happily, I started cooking and planning my whole year. But who knows that on March, the virus outbreak strike my country causing citizen in my city being strictly limited to do some activities outside the house.

I didn’t go outside the house for three months straight. The farthest destination I’d been to was the minimart which located 10 meter from my house. And because of the virus outbreak, all of my plans were ruined. Forget about living YOLO and taking three months break because in the end I got 10 months break from working. Yes, I was jobless for 10 months. Was it include on my original plan? Definitely, No. But now I know why we need back up plan for a back up plan. Being jobless for 10 months was my worst scenario and thank God, when my saving was only left for just one month, I got a temporary job. Truly thank God, because I was that close to zero money.

Along the year, there were some things that I thought I couldn’t do but ended up did. First, I completed my fiction story. It needed a year to be finished. Never crossed in my mind that I was able to put the word ‘END’ to the writing I started. Before, I wrote couple of stories but I always stopped in the middle and never actually finished them. But this time, I finally experience how exciting it was to write ‘END’ in my story. It was a mixed feeling actually. I felt happy, excited, proud but also sad because I had to say goodbye to activity that I really enjoyed and looked forward to. But anyway, I started my second writing on October and I hope I could finish it too this year.

Other than writing, I also learn to dance a Kpop song (thing that always on my wish list since years ago but I actually never done them), learning Japanese (I halted halfway because it was so hard to remember all the Kanji, I feel like crying every time I tried to write in Kanji), reading books and made a review of it (I read 21 books along 2020) and other things that I might not remember well.

During my jobless time, I offered myself to give review on someone’s fiction story. I was paid IDR 30.000 for one story. It was fun though and maybe because that was thing I like. Reading a story and delivering what I had in mind about the story. And when I got my paid, I was so happy and I realized how precious little amount of money was when I didn’t have one.

There was also time when I couldn’t sleep through the night and it happened for about three months (but thankfully now my body clock is more well-ordered). One time I got anxiety attack at 2 AM. I couldn’t breathe easily and started to cry really bad. But I was still be able to think that if I didn’t do something to control my anxiety at that time, it was just gonna be worse. So, I played and listened to a recital of Surah Al-Kahfi on my Spotify and tried to focus my mind. I finally got calmer and able to sleep. I could say that what triggered me was I thought a lot about my future at that time. I was thinking about where I would be a year from now, how my plan was all ruined, how I could possibly be a person described in Khalid’s song “Young, Dumb and Broke” (minus I’m not actually young) and how uncertain my future was. But thank God it was only happen one time because other days, I tried not to think about long term goal that could be the stressor of me. Just like what my best friend said “I won’t think about long term goal. All my goals now are short term goal, like what I’m gonna do for the next two hours or five hours, because it such a miracle itself that I could still be able to live and function for the next five hours.”

Year of 2020 taught me many things. About goals that weren’t achieved, about loneliness, about how important it is to be content of myself, about financial awareness, about living enough, about doing something that I thought I couldn’t do at first but I actually can do eventually, about patience, about never stop dreaming, about perseverance, and having faith in myself and in God.

Was 2020 tough? Yes, it was tough. For everyone. Though the level of difficulty was different for each person, but still it was tough. But there were also lessons from it.  Someone said “The world has slowed so you can rediscover yourself.”

Anyway, my 2020 was not complete without me mentioning how Taylor Swift’s album Folklore and NCT 127, WayV and NCT 2020 accompanied me throughout the year with their lovely music. (Anyway, folklore album was brilliant).

So, here I go, a new year and a new journey. I have no idea what the future hold for me and I’m still such a mess now but I just hope that I will never lose hope and faith in myself and in God.


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